Miss China’s Kooky Cosmopolitan Cocktail

Since Vodka is Bartender 608’s February Spirit of the Month, I figured I’d place this on for this weeks Drink of the Week.

The Cosmopolitan (The Cosmo.)

The Cosmopolitan hit the scene in the mid to late 1970’s. The locations, origins and variations of the drink have been linked to:

Manhattan, Florida, Minnesota and San Francisco

Although this is a pink drink it can be and is a serious cocktail…

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First, chill your cocktail glass(es) by stowing them in the freezer or by filling it with ice cubes and setting them aside while you prepare The Drink. Choose an above the bottom shelf vodka.  Not every “good cocktail” must have top shelf spirits like Belvidere, Goose or Ketel One, (let’s face it, sometimes it just isn’t in the monthly/weekly budget) but something mid-range like, Svedka, Smirnoff or Stoli is just fine.

Once you’ve selected your vodka, it’s time to grab your Triple Sec.  Again, if you can’t manage to get your hands on Grand Marnier or Cointreau, regular simple Triple Sec will do but, don’t overdo it…

When possible, use fresh lime juice instead of (my favorite) Rose’s lime juice.  Why?  You won’t need the additional sugar that comes with the Roses.

So, now that we’re ready, let’s go!

Miss China’s Kooky Cosmopolitan

One pint glass filled 1/2 with cracked ice
4 oz.  Citrus Vodka
2 oz.  Triple Sec
1 oz.  Fresh Lime Juice
1 Drop of Vanilla Extract
QUICK SPLASH of Red Cranberry Juice

Add all of the above to the pint glass, top with a Boston shaker and shake all ingredients for 7 – 15 seconds.  Just enough to chill and combine all the flavors.

Strain and pour the Kooky Cosmopolitan into your two (2) frosty/chilled cocktail glass; garnish with three (3) thin lime wedges.
Over 21?  Enjoy your non-girly, full flavored martini…

~Miss China Moon

Bartender 608 for Hire

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*bam-bam-bam* Excuse me; can I get some service?!?

I want to take this time to say Thank You to my loyal patrons and customers who thoroughly enjoy my cocktails, talking with me, and coming into this establishment.  It’s great to have an adult conversation with an adult and to see your smiling faces when you approach the bar for your favorite relaxing beverage (be it cocktail or mocktail) I appreciate you.

Now having said that; there are those times when the people who come through the door are the complete opposite.

Look, I get it.  I was in my 20’s once; I’ve been there although not to the extent some of you take it.

It’s Friday or Saturday night; you’re with your buddies/girlfriends; and, it’s been a long week.  Time to relax, get ripped or fucked up.  Really, I get it.

I see you. I know you see that I see you.  You’re here EVERY week but you’ve learned nothing.  So let me give you a few hints NYU and UW-Madison college students that will make you better bar customers until you grow and learn how to handle your liquor…

  • You order the SAME beer/drink EVERY week.  You already KNOW the price – so quit asking us “how much is it?” when we bring you all your orders.  It’s $6 and you ordered 5; aren’t you a math major? (So good to see tax dollars at work…)
  • Stop leaving us coinage on the bar without folding money.  If you ordered 5 drinks, $1.50 in quarters left on the bar will definitely ensure you wait an extra 20 for your next drink when you return up to us.
  • *bam-bam-bam*  “Excuse me; can I get some service?!?”  Do we come to your job, scream at you, call you names and slam our hands (repeatedly) on your desk to get your attention?  Then don’t do it here.
  • Eye contact.  If we give it to you and you return it that means you’re ready to order.  You’re ENTIRE party is ready to order and NOBODY has to turn around a scream, “hey Becky, what’d you want again?”
  • Money.  Dinero.  Cheddar.  Whatever you call it, have it ready, waiting and in your hand.  Don’t know how much it costs? Have extra ready just in case.  This what us Bartender don’t understand, you all get angry when we ‘take too long’ but you all do the same damn thing.  We take your order, prepare it, give you a bev nap or coaster and set it in front of you, and only THEN do you decide to dig in your wallet/big ass purse for the cash.
  • When you’re at the drive thru at McDonald’s or Wendy’s or White Castle and you order your food, you proceed to Window #1 to pay and Window #2 for the order.  Same concept applies here.  When your order is taken, give us the full order and when we come back – pay us.  Do NOT proceed to continue to add on drinks when we come back with your order or change – by bar law when people are waiting YOU now have to wait your turn once again.
  • What’s that?  You say you’ve been waiting 15 minutes for a couple of drinks?  Let’s assess the situation…  Did you have your order ready last time?  Were you boisterous and obnoxious about the rail/well drink special you complained wasn’t strong enough?  Did you tip?

Reflect on that…

Sticky Floors as gooey as a movie theatre and a teenage boys magazine stash

You’re drinking; okay.  You’re flirting; fine by me.  You’re dancing and enjoying the music; fuckin’ fan-tab-u-lous.  You’re past tipsy but not quite wasted; I’ll call you a cab if need be.  But why oh WHY do females feel the need to take their shoes off in a bar.  A BAR.  Do you know what’s on the floor in here?  I know what’s lurking back here before we clean up @ night but my goodness…

Chicken wings, fry wedges, GLASS, spills, VOMIT, cigarettes and other QUESTIONABLE LIQUIDS.  That’s just nasty.  If your feet hurt, cop a squat or bring flats in those big ASS purses y’all bring to the place (which I also wonder why THAT is, but I digress…)

It’s nasty; don’t you have any home training?

Pick your Poison

Yes, we know there are 50 different types of drinks on the planet you originated (or wherever city you come from) but here is a list of every possible drink we’ve been asked for while bar tending (regularly):

…and those of you who roll your eyes when we don’t know what something is – RELAX.  Just tell us what’s in it and 10 chance to 1 we can make it happen for you.  No worries…

cocktails

spiffy cocktails

Vodka Martini
Dry Martini
Perfect Martini
Dirty Martini
Gibson
Gin Martini
Manhattan
Rob Roy
Cosmopolitan
Lemon Drop
Apple Martini or Apple-Tini
Adios Mother Fucker (AMF)

7 & Seven
Long Island Ice Tea
Cape Cod (Coder)
Screwdriver
Fuzzy Navel
Sex on the Beach
Bloody Mary
Bay Breeze
Sea Breeze
Madras
Margarita
Cadillac Margarita
Mai Tai
Tom Collins
Joe Collins
Vodka Collins
Greyhound/Salty Dog
Scotch and Soda
Cuba Libre (Rum & Coke)

Mojito
Mimosa
Gin and Tonic
Jack and Coke
Tequila Sunrise
Whiskey and Soda
Old Fashioned (Sweet or Sour)
Whiskey & Water
White Russian
Shirley Temple
Roy Rogers
Arnold Palmer
Tequila Shot
Kamikaze
Knock Me Down and Fuck Me
Surfer on Acid
Wet Pussy
Blowjob
B-52
Jager-bomb
Boiler Maker
Woo Woo
Washington Apple
Reggae Rainbow
So-Co & Lime
Lemon Drop Shot
Strawberry Daiquiri
Margarita
Chi Chi
Strawberry Margarita
Pina Colada