My thoughts on any given weekend night working in WI

  • “Hmmm, she REALLY needs to get those roots done.”
  • “Wow, she said thank you!”
  • “Damn, he’s tall.”
  • “DAMN!  He’s short!”
  • “I need 2 Advil liqui-gels…”
  • “That walk-by-farting was un-called for.”
  • “Some bad friend of hers lied to her and said, ‘girl you look good in those – wear THAT!'”
  • “Oh that couple will make a good post later on tonight…”
  • “Please stop kissing @ my bar for 20 consecutive minutes – her lungs need air and my customers need vodka with their olives…”

Letter From Your Bartender from: Erin @ Gatsbys – NYC

“And here we have arrived at the so very complex concept of tipping. These are some basic rules when it comes to tipping properly, and please remember the only money that we make at work is from tips. My paycheck is literally “VOID” every week because at $3.70 an hour once taxes are taken out, there is actually zero left.

1. Tip 20% every time.
2. Tip on water orders.
3. Tip on free drinks
.
4. Tip at least $1 per free drink. Like I have stated before I make nothing off of sales, so whether it costs $15 a drink or nothing at all, I still need a tip.

It will help you to get your next one with lightning speed and a friendly smile.

“Another thing that I do not understand is guys flirting with me all night long, asking me out, scrawling their number on a napkin, and then NOT tipping me 20%. First off, I am not going to date anyone I meet as a customer at my bar, ever. I am especially not going to date someone so wasted that he sat there my entire nine hour shift staring at my chest, and mostly I am not going to even consider dating Prince Charming if he doesn’t even tip well! Also, for you guys, do not touch me, ever. What makes you think you can reach over the bar and touch my arm or hand? When I have to go to your office and ask to open a new bank account, and you get a phone call that interrupts the process, do I grab or caress your arm so that your attention comes back to me? No, so I ask for the same respect back.”

“Something nice that you can do to help you get quicker service is offer to buy me a shot. I will have one with you and I will probably charge you for it. But you will most likely end up getting quite a few shots back from me for free, so that in the end you will have spent less money and gotten more drunk, and I will be in a better mood overall. Everybody wins!”

Read On .

I’m Rick James Bitch

A group of 7 melodramatic 40 something’s came in today.  They had appetizers and drinks at the bar instead of sitting at a table. I could see they were there to talk to each other so I served them; 5 margaritas on the rock – 2 with no salt, 1 Old Fashioned, and a White Zinfandel.  Keeping their drinks fresh and bar naps exchanged to fresh ones, I continued my bar duties while listening to their conversation over the soft music I was playing.

“…I’m sending my daughter to a private school; she’s starting college next year and there’s too much going on here in the city.”

“…I’m putting Sarah. in those new apts uptown -it’s costing us $XXX but it’ll be worth it.”

Madison WI. Safe. White bread. No Frills. Madison WI.

Where the grass is green.

…and your neighbors are probably smoking it.  As a former New Yorker I get a lot of slack because of the way “I am”.   Bar Side has that “NY attitude. A few girlfriends I’m friends with have let me know that when they first met me they thought I was a bitch.  Some still do.  Another thing I find funny is that people who I’m cool with now couldn’t stand me (and vice versa) when we first met.  Well let me tell you something mi gente…  Having this so called “New York attitude” has kept me safe for the majority of my life.

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I like the way I am.  No, I don’t smile a whole lot although I’ve been told I have a pretty one.

Yes, if I don’t like you and we have to be around each other I will tell you to your face.

No, I’m not polite all the time.

Yes, I’m real and will tell you the truth if you ask me (and some cases even when you don’t).

No, I don’t tolerate bullshit well.

Yes, I’m unorthodoxed in my parenting skills.

Being raised in NY by my mother was a life lesson.  My mother told me to enjoy life as we’re only here for a limited amount of time but to be on guard for things because bad people will try to shorten my time here on this earth.

She gave me tools no amount of book schooling could come close to.

Two cliches I’ve noticed; common sense isn’t very common and keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Those tools have kept me sane and prepared for much of the unexpected.  I teach my teen the same.

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