My thoughts on any given weekend night working in WI

  • “Hmmm, she REALLY needs to get those roots done.”
  • “Wow, she said thank you!”
  • “Damn, he’s tall.”
  • “DAMN!  He’s short!”
  • “I need 2 Advil liqui-gels…”
  • “That walk-by-farting was un-called for.”
  • “Some bad friend of hers lied to her and said, ‘girl you look good in those – wear THAT!'”
  • “Oh that couple will make a good post later on tonight…”
  • “Please stop kissing @ my bar for 20 consecutive minutes – her lungs need air and my customers need vodka with their olives…”

Hell-o-ween Dress Unrest

Halloween.  Time to dress up.  Or down.  Or in most cases for the women, undress.

It was a slow night and conversation sparse, but one in particular took place that sounded way to familiar.  Dialogue that takes place every year about this time.  Freak Fest, Ahoy!

To make a long story not so long, a group of Valley Girls were talkin ’bout who they were going as this year.

Why do chicks always make such a big deal about the little dental floss costume they’re going to wear this year.  We need to rename Halloween, “Closet Whore Admiration Day.”  Oh c’mon, that’s all it is people; and you know it.  A lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.  It’s 2008 and by peoples behavior in the bar, they, well, let’s just say nothing’s forbidden anymore it seems.

I wish bitches quit being insecure about shit.  If you like dick (or clits if the case may be) just be you; don’t have a ‘holiday’ be your excuse to dress down.  If you feel comfortable dressing a certain way then let you be you.

It’s like people who always have sex in the bedroom and no other room in the house.  Once a month.  In the same position.  In under 20 minutes.

…or less.

Chickies, stop making excuses for wearing th fishnets and micro mini skirt or the ass-less chaps.  If you aren’t comfortable with YOU, you may as well toss in the towel right now.

Whether you go home alone and wash your face of make-up or home with a partner and your “clothes” end up on the floor like a prom dress and you’re face down ass up – dress the way YOU want to dress and do it smartly.


…and Thank You.

P.S.  On the same note, please ladies be FRIGGIN’ SMART when you’re out.

  • DO NOT Drink beyond comprehension.

Watch you ass because not all your ‘friends’ are good friends.

Letter From Your Bartender from: Erin @ Gatsbys – NYC

“And here we have arrived at the so very complex concept of tipping. These are some basic rules when it comes to tipping properly, and please remember the only money that we make at work is from tips. My paycheck is literally “VOID” every week because at $3.70 an hour once taxes are taken out, there is actually zero left.

1. Tip 20% every time.
2. Tip on water orders.
3. Tip on free drinks
4. Tip at least $1 per free drink. Like I have stated before I make nothing off of sales, so whether it costs $15 a drink or nothing at all, I still need a tip.

It will help you to get your next one with lightning speed and a friendly smile.

“Another thing that I do not understand is guys flirting with me all night long, asking me out, scrawling their number on a napkin, and then NOT tipping me 20%. First off, I am not going to date anyone I meet as a customer at my bar, ever. I am especially not going to date someone so wasted that he sat there my entire nine hour shift staring at my chest, and mostly I am not going to even consider dating Prince Charming if he doesn’t even tip well! Also, for you guys, do not touch me, ever. What makes you think you can reach over the bar and touch my arm or hand? When I have to go to your office and ask to open a new bank account, and you get a phone call that interrupts the process, do I grab or caress your arm so that your attention comes back to me? No, so I ask for the same respect back.”

“Something nice that you can do to help you get quicker service is offer to buy me a shot. I will have one with you and I will probably charge you for it. But you will most likely end up getting quite a few shots back from me for free, so that in the end you will have spent less money and gotten more drunk, and I will be in a better mood overall. Everybody wins!”

Read On .

13 Double Shots of Cognac

I enjoy wearing some risqué clothing to tend bar, not all the time but some.  It’s fun for me and generates conversation from many and glares from many more [females].

Tending bar and watching late night people in the restaurant, you can watch the transformation of sober people slip into a drunken stupor.  Looking back on my personal college and bar hopping days, we got toasted but NOTHING like what I see working or when I’m out at a club myself.

It was to the point I had to sit back and say was I THAT bad?!?  A handful of times I’ve thought I was going to die because I was hallucinating that my liver was lying next to me crying…

When I turned 21, I happened to be in Madison WI and hit up this club called The Cardinal Bar.  When I began my club hopping days, my Momma told me and my girlfriends to always Stay Together.  Always do ‘The Group Thang.’  Remember to watch what you wear, watch your back and watch out for each other.  None of that, “I’m leaving with so-and-so”.”  Tell “Jimmy Mack” or whomever you’ll see them later.

Please keep in mind my main focus wasn’t the alcohol at that time (that came later), it was the dancing and interacting with other 20 somethings.

It’s suicide by default Ladies if you’re not watching yourselves and get so inebriated that you don’t know where you are, where you live and how you’re going to get there.  That drunk driving shit is seriously OUT OF ORDER.  Not to mention you all going to the club in a group and not giving a fuck about anything after the fishbowl you shared.

I remember throwing a house party with my roommates and doing 13 double shots of cognac and dancing on our pool table, going into my room and tossing myself on the bed, sitting up because my head was spinning, trying to remember if I ate before I drank.  Then throwing up. Violently. All over the bed.  And the floor.  And myself.  Ewww.  I don’t care how good you look; that shit ain’t cute…

Although I was around friends I knew and trusted, I learned (VERY QUICKLY) never to do that again.

You CAN wear what you want, when you want.  But know you CAN NOT control certain things when you’re not thinking; be prepared that dressed in nothing but that scrumptious dental floss two piece, that someone may want to suckle on your goodies.  If you’re going to dress hot, you better be able to handle the heat of the city.  Mr Right Now could smile in your face inside the club and then beat, rape and fillet you just the same.

…and know this – lately, Madison WI is a cold, cold place.

STOP staggering out, drunk and leaving with random {those you don’t know personally} people.

STOP drinking until you fall and lay on that nasty ass bathroom floor.

Stop.  Look. & Listen.

You may learn something from us Native NYers; maybe us being “arrogant,” “mean” and “bitchy East Coast ass holes” comes in handy @ times…

Here’s an excerpt from Rob the Bouncer’s Blog:

“[My father]…taught her [my sister] how to keep her guard up. To not put herself in situations where she was subject to the whims of the living dead who troll the streets of this city looking for a comfortable — willing or no — place to insert their penises.”