My thoughts on any given weekend night working in WI

  • “Hmmm, she REALLY needs to get those roots done.”
  • “Wow, she said thank you!”
  • “Damn, he’s tall.”
  • “DAMN!  He’s short!”
  • “I need 2 Advil liqui-gels…”
  • “That walk-by-farting was un-called for.”
  • “Some bad friend of hers lied to her and said, ‘girl you look good in those – wear THAT!'”
  • “Oh that couple will make a good post later on tonight…”
  • “Please stop kissing @ my bar for 20 consecutive minutes – her lungs need air and my customers need vodka with their olives…”

Alright now; time to bend over and grab your ankles

The suits came in last night – ordered their Spotted cows & dirty martini’s and talked about whatever they talk about. Fast forward to drink #3, things got interesting (and louder); it got to the point of lower & middle class people who are “in trouble” in this economy. They basically called them all lazy – unbelievable.  Well kinda.

While there will also be exceptions to every rule, their whole approach to how these “lazy people” live their lives was eyebrow raising.  Especially since these were trust funds babies who act like they’ve never even wiped their own brow without help from ‘the help.’

“If those people would just pay their bills on time we wouldn’t be in this mess.  People are just going to have to hunker down and put a bit more elbow grease into the lively hoods of themselves & their families.  Obama’s going to have the whole damn country on section 8 & food stamps…”

Umm, come again?  Not all middle class people are irresponsible breeders, just like all rich or wealthy persons aren’t pretentious assholes.   People usually do what they have to do to get by; it just depends on their route and what they’re capable of and what they feel comfortable with.

Example, a couple of friends that I went to college with:  The one that lives in Chicago has two teenagers and is a widow.  The one that lives on Long Island is a make-up artist and lives with his two 2 cousins in a house.
Now, both of these people worked at their chosen profession with their degree until they were laid off.  One is working through temp agencies and bartending at a gentlemans club and one is working as a cashier and moonlighting as an escort through a long time agency.  After some time they’re making it work and are doing quite well for themselves and their familes.  Why?  Because – you do what you have to do when you have to do it.  When you owe money for things the collector on the other end doesn’t care WHAT you have going on; they want their money.  Doesn’t mean it has to be long term but, bills still gotta be paid, people need to eat, toilet paper and sanitary napkins still have to be bought, kids have camp/school trips that need your attention and gas still has to be put in the car (or your MetroCard has to be loaded…) among other things.

So let’s weigh a couple options using the suits from today’s logic/way of thinking.

  1. Stop trying to work altogether, get on public assistance until something better comes along.
  2. Continue to hustle on their own on the daily grind, pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps making it work without handouts.
  3. Sit in the house and starve/give up while life goes on around them.
  4. Grand larceny, start mugging people and pulling off stick-ups.

Do people know their are individuals who used to make (beaucoup) ‘Boo-Coo’ bucks now looking and applying for ‘jobs’ that pay only $30 – 45K vs. $200K+?

Most of these people had a great job, college or no college, and made a decent living not bothering anyone or asking for anything.  “The times, they are -a- changin'” and it ain’t pretty.  Some things aren’t going to change.  People are always going to be willing to pay for things.  Things like fucking, drinking, housing, food, even water.  Just like other people will never know what it’s like to walk in another persons shoes.  Not everybody has it all, nor would most want it IMHO; a lot of workers are taken for granted: housekeepers, bank tellers, teachers, day care workers, the guy that fixes the copier, the person that makes your sandwich at the sub place, hell, maybe even your bartender.

What would you do without them?  Who would you talk about then?  Only time will tell.

I love my line of work.  Take care.

I leave you with this little quote:

“Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning huh? Fuck you, pay me.” – Henry Hill, Goodfellas (1990)

Top 10 Signs you’re a Bad Bartender

1. The term “quality drink” never crossed your mind, people only drink to get drunk, right?

2. Running the dishwasher without soap doesn’t concern you.

3. You huff and sigh when somebody orders a drink you don’t like.

4. Washing your cocktail shakers is done once, at the end of your shift.

5. Using a three day old slimy lime/lemon wedge doesn’t raise an alarm bell.

6. You make “good strong drinks” for people without charging appropriately.

7. You think the bar is your personal stock and drink whenever you feel like.

8. You develop a “god complex” just because you are a bartender

9. You don’t cut enough fruit for the night shift or prep your trays (if you’re an opener).

10. You leave your dirty shift-off dishes in the sink for the opening bartender (if your a closer).

Please add to the list by posting a comment. I’m sure we could do an entire list of 100+ if we thought about it.

RE: Darcy O’Neil

The Ten Commandments of Bartending

The following is a list of rules that is expected of all bar tenders.
They are the most important principles and skills needed to be a great bar tender, and they should never, EVER be violated.
  • I.  Thou shall always, ALWAYS keep the Bar Top Clean & sticky free.
  • II. Thou shall keep your Cool under pressure (Yes, even when the patrons are hootin’ and hollerin’ like a hog caller in heat.)
  • III. Thou shall be able to take a minimum of three drink orders at a time
  • IV. Thou shall Never ever count Tips in front of customers. (Seriously.  Really, I’m not kidding.  It’s tacky.)
  • V. Thou shall leave all  dramatic substances and bullshit at the Door.
  • VI. Thou shall treat each customer like a Royalty.
  • VII. Thou shall have a sense of humor, an outstanding personality and great LISTENER (SHUT UP once in awhile and let THEM talk…)
  • VIII. Thou shall always use speed and efficiency when mixing any cocktail
  • IX. Thou shall always remain organized and CLEAN UP behind their bar.
  • X. Thou shall use both hands at all times. (Two is better than one.)